AND THE MAN OF GOD LIED

“Just because something isn’t a lie does not mean that it isn’t deceptive. A liar knows that he is a liar, but one who speaks mere portions of truth in order to deceive is a craftsman of destruction” – Criss Jami

“Oh, what a tangled web we weave…when first we practice to deceive” – Walter Scott

“A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes” – Charles Spurgeon

 

Christmas was in the air. The town was filled with little kids rocking their Christmas clothes, wrist-watches and other fancy stuffs. Cars were filled with goodies from the last minute shopping across town. Everyone smiled and wished the other a Merry Xmas and Compliments of the Season.

Personally, Christmas is not a phuck-worthy season for me. People kept asking me what I got them as gifts for Xmas. I always had an answer for such people:

Sorry o, my people, but I no longer celebrate Christmas. I am now a member of Ama Jehovah aka Jehovah’s Witness”.

Others asked when I would be going home to spend time with my family. The Amebo woman at the end of the street was more inquisitive with her rather stupid remark: “Ba’Ruu, don’t come back next year without a wife o”. I quickly shouted Amen, and watched her smile sheepishly as she left the premises. Foolish woman! She think say to marry dey easy! If I ask her for money for the bride price now, she would start giving me excuses of how her cash was frozen at Savannah Bank. Or how witches and wizards have been attacking her business. Rubbish! Marriage ko…Marriage ni!

Later in the day, I stared into the mirror and couldn’t recognize myself anymore. It wasn’t just the bumps and rough spots on my face. The beards were massive. I was taking this No-Shave November to a whole ‘nother level. So I decided it was time to have a decent hair cut and a nice shave. And off I went to my barber’s.

When I arrived, I saw a few guys inside the shop. I hailed them and they hailed me back.

“How many men dey before e reach my turn”, I asked.

“Dem no plenty”, the barber replied.

“Bros, tell me the number na. Dem no plenty no be number”, I replied.

“Hahahaha. OK, make I count”. And he pointed fingers at the men inside the shop while counting. Someone reminded him of the guy that went to ease himself.

“Na 5 people dey before you Bros”, he replied after counting.

“OK na, make I kukuma wait for here”, I answered.

I sat down comfortably into a seat beside the door, flipped open a Fashion Magazine on the side table and read. Then I had an epiphany. It was as if I saw a dove descend from the heavens into the room. And then I remembered vividly.

When I walked into the Barber’s shop, I did not see the mad man that usually sleeps calmly beside the mammoth bin along the road. And then I asked the barber what happened to the mad man. He told me that he was healed by a pastor and was no longer mad:

“Bros ehn, this thing happen like film trick o. Just two days ago, one man just come this area, with olive oil and bible, talk say him be pastor and say God send am to heal the mad man. We think say na play o. The man begin dey pray, dey pray, dey pray. All of us just standa dey look am. As him dey pray the prayer so, na e the mad man just begin dey roll for floor. This thing happen for like ten minutes before him come calm down. Everybody come dey shout ‘Praise the Lord’. Some dey snap photo sef, talk say the man of God don heal the mad man. Na him people just dey collect the pastor number, say dem go come him church with their own wahala o”, the barber narrated as he was cutting a customer’s hair.

“So where the mad man come dey na? Him don go him house?” I asked.

“House ke? After that day wey dem heal am, him stop to dey chop dotty, come dey behave like normal person. But just yesterday, the thing start again o. So some people carry am go hospital”, he replied.

And I burst out laughing. People were staring at me as if the spirit of madness had entered me.

Phewww…BULLOCKS!

Pastors and false claims of miracle! In our contemporary times, people have become more gullible than ever. Honestly, I don’t even know what to blame it on. And it gets even more pathetic when one ponders on how easily folks get to believe the so-called men of God on different issues pertaining to their daily lives.

A lot of folks have gotten themselves into deep shit because of the antics of these men of God. Don’t get me wrong! Personally, I believe that people could get healed of their ailment if they possess some form of faith. But faith without work is nonsense. You can’t win the lottery without buying the ticket. It is as simple as that.

One time, I was in a commercial bus going from one part of the city to another. A man wearing a worn-out coat stood up and started preaching the word of God. He was discussing faith and its powers. He cited an example while preaching. He said when he wanted to get married to his wife, he didn’t even bother to do basic laboratory investigations, especially genotype. He said he had faith in God that they wouldn’t have a baby with Sickle Cell disease. And to the glory of God, they didn’t have such a baby. Praise the Lord, he screamed. And some gullible folks in the bus screamed a thunderous Hallelujah.

In all honesty, such sermons are VERY DANGEROUS. There are naïve folks that would listen to such sermons and foolishly hearken to the voice of the con artist pretending to be a man of God. Why in God’s name would someone encourage another person to plunge headlong into an abyss without caution? Whatever happened to common sense?

In this career of mine as a hustling doctor, I’ve encountered folks that were rushed into the hospital with one ailment or another, and a quick history would give a detailed picture of how foolish people could be. A grown man would gladly pour olive oil and other substances down the throat of a convulsing child. What if the child aspirates? Grown folks would gladly pour pepper into the eyes of sick relatives. Men of God encourage women with poor obstetric histories not to book for Antenatal Visits at the hospital; rather, they should come for regular sessions of fasting and prayers at the church and deliver like the Hebrew women. Issorait!

Folks that were taken care of by hardworking health personnel would gladly purchase goats, ram, tubers of yam and other items in preparation for the thanksgiving that would follow. Could you believe that? Dash gifts to man of God wey no even do anything for them! And what do the members of the health team get? ‘Thank You’, ‘God Bless You’, ‘It Shall Be Well With You’…and in a best case scenario, handshakes and hugs. Anyway, my God is watching all of you.

Let us do away with these pointless beliefs. Faith without work is as foolhardy as a witch going to a church filled with prayer warriors to suck blood. We can’t make any meaningful progress as individuals if we continue wallowing in these washed-out attitudes.

Let us purge ourselves of this gullibility that is holding us back and move into the New Year as new creatures, with the old things past away. Capisce!

 

Now Playing: Trouble Sleep Yanga Wake Am by Fela Kuti

Word to Mutha: This work is STRICTLY the opinion of the writer. No Love Lost; No Love Found…It is what it is!

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