IF HE DOESN’T PROPOSE, THEN I WILL: Desperation versus Reality

“I came seriously close to getting married four times, and each time I backed off in fear or for one reason or another. Each occasion was different, but in hindsight when I look at the people involved, it wasn’t a bad thing what I did. I think it may have been more complex had the marriage taken place” – Ratan Tata

“You know it’s never fifty-fifty in a marriage. It is always seventy-thirty or sixty-forty. Someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else up on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly. Someone else sails along for the ride” – Jodi Picoult

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably, they are both disappointed” – Albert Einstein


The friends had arrived. The cake was neatly placed on the small table in the middle of the living room. Whoever made this cake should be shot at the back of the head, Tunde thought. Very horrible! There were cans of malt and other beverages too. Bose was getting ready to dish out the meal of rice and stew. It was a simple get-together organized by Tunde, his boyfriend to celebrate her birthday.

It was now a cliché – for the past three years, this ritual has been performed. This time around, she hoped it would be crowned by the surprise she had always wished for; that ring she had longed for. She hoped Tunde had a surprise up his sleeves. She had discussed with her friends earlier that day about the issue bothering her. “Don’t worry. Maybe he is gonna propose today”, Nkechi said. Jibola, the gossip girl followed suit, “Of course na, hmmm, he has no option but to propose. Bose has tried for him o. Staying by his side all these years no be beans, yet there is no ring to show his commitment to her. If he doesn’t propose today, buy your own ring and propose to him”.

The party started and everyone was happy. The MC proposed a toast. He wished Bose many happy years ahead and prayed that her relationship with Tunde would grow stronger. Tunde was laughing heartily, and touched the left breast-pocket of his shirt. Bose felt she saw something like the shape of a ring inside the pocket. Yes, she said to herself. Today, he would propose.

After the toast, it was time for Tunde to sing a special birthday song for Bose. She was giggling like a happy baby as her bobo held her left hand and proceeded to sing John Legend’s All of Me. Bose shed a tear as she looked into Tunde’s eyes.

The room was hot so almost everyone was sweating. Tunde was sweating too so he put his hand into his left breast-pocket. Bose’s heart was beating fast. Yes, please propose now, she thought. But alas, Tunde brought out a white hankie and cleaned his sweaty face. She cursed bitterly. The gods must be crazy indeed.

A lot of women find themselves in this familiar situation. She don tire to dey attend other people’s wedding. The biological clock is ticking fast. At every occasion, she grabs the bouquet of flowers when the bride throws it up into the air. She has become brides’ maid emeritus. If the habit of attending weddings was a course, she would have gotten an A-plus. She can’t even count the number of weddings she has attended in the past. She goes to Mandilas almost every week to purchase clothes for her friends’ baby showers. But ironically, the right man never shows up. She always meets the wrong people. It is either an immature fresh graduate who is only after kpanshing and lanshing, who doesn’t think about settling down in the near future. Or a pot-bellied married rich man who wants to take her for a second wife. Or even a third one!

Why is my case different, she thinks? Pastors have prophesied endlessly on my behalf. More than 50% of my monthly salaries go towards sowing seeds of faith and special prayer sessions. I buy chickens and turkeys for the pastor on Sundays. I have grown lean from fasting endlessly such that people now call me bonga fish. Visions are seen on my behalf at every revival service in church. The mummy of the church knows my case specifically because I am always the first to show up for meetings involving spinsters. God, why me?

This is the same situation Bose has found herself in. But this time around, she has to take the bull by the horns; she would confront Tunde with the question that has got her wondering where her life was headed to. So at night, when all the friends had left, and they were the only ones left in the house, she requested for a sit-down. The discussion lasted for some hours. She cursed, she shouted, she wept, she reminded him of his promises, she reminisced on the special moments they shared together…bla bla bla. Tunde kept staring at her. After she was done, he just gave her a simple explanation: “Babe, you gotta understand. I am not yet ready to settle down. I don’t even have a decent job. You are unemployed. You and I are managing to survive in this one room apartment. This is not the life I asked for. This is not the life I want to have for the two of us, and our future babies. We can’t start a family in this condition. Just trust me. Everything good will come and we would get married”.

For where, story for the gods! She packed her stuffs the next morning and left him for good.

My people, this is not a Nigerian film o. This happens in our society on a daily basis. Most ladies have become victims of clinical depression. But where are all the godly, handsome and tall men hidden? I feel this is really complicated. In all honesty, financial stability (to a great extent) is an important determinant in a man deciding to settle down. Correct me if I am wrong but it doesn’t make any sense taking a leap of faith and marrying a lady when you can barely cater for the two of you, not to talk of the kids when they arrive. Because in most cases when this happens and shit eventually hits the fan, it is the same lady that was pushing you towards marriage that would be the first to remind you how your mates are providing for their families.

On another note, I feel most ladies are gluttons when it comes to the type of man they want to settle down with. The lists they present to God during prayer sessions are really baffling. I don’t think the type of men they want have been created yet. It is therefore important to look beyond the fleeting qualities of life and focus on the man that would complement you and make you a better person. The man could just be the young hustler that just opened a barber’s shop at the end of the street, or the young graduate that recently opened a car wash joint in the neighborhood. He mustn’t be a ‘made-guy’. What matters most is whether the guy has a bright future ahead of him and loves you unconditionally.

So dear single and searching lady, when you find such a man, don’t hesitate to walk into that fabulous jewelry store on your way back from work and purchase an engagement ring. Because if he doesn’t propose to you, then you should. Capisce!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s