It is not longer news that E. L. James’ erotic and romantic bestseller, Fifty Shades of Grey, has been adapted to film. The movie was released on 13 February 2015 and although presently, it is popular at the box office, critical reviews and reactions are mixed. At present, it holds a 25% rating on RottenTomatoes. Now, that’s not good at all!

This article is not one to critique the movie per se. And I am not going to bore you with describing in details the plot. Naa, naa, naa…I am not going to do that. I am simply going to try to raise some pertinent questions: Why is the movie title on everyone’s lips? Why is every Tom, Dick and Harry doing their best to see this movie? What is so special about the movie? What effect would this movie have on most relationships? What are the positives to take from this supposedly boring movie?

Personally, I have not seen the movie and I don’t plan to. I read the book a few years ago and I don’t believe the movie would be as intriguing as the book was. Please, mind you, I used the word intriguing to depict how I felt after reading the book. It wasn’t a wonderfully written book; simply put, it wasn’t an outstanding piece of literature. But it succeeded in keeping me captivated. I feel the movie would be as boring as Angels and Demons was. That is my opinion though. I could have had a change of heart but since the National Film and Video Censors Board decided to ban the movie, I guess I would never try to see it any more.

I strongly praise the sexual tone of the book and the boldness of the writer to publish a book about issues most people shy away from discussing – sadomasochism. A lot of people (especially women) hold the view that the book is one that would lead to the sexual emancipation of women. A question should be asked: were women actually sexual slaves before? Or were they victims of tasteless sexual lifestyles that abound in most societies and cultures?

Personally, I read the novel out of sheer curiosity and pop culture obligation. Most people clamoring for the movie to be ‘unbanned’ by the Censors’ Board are doing so because of the above mentioned factors. And that’s an ill in our society presently; people do things because others are doing so. People gladly join the bandwagon. Ask them to write a detailed review of the movie afterwards and they wouldn’t be able to do so. Rather, they’d post it on the different Social Media platforms that they just saw Fifty Shades of Grey. I mean, who gives a rat’s ass about seeing a movie everyone is seeing? Or do they give awards for watching the movie?

Since I’ve not seen the movie, I decided to read some of the reviews before writing this article. And all the reviews I read weren’t sympathetic at all. They literally crucified the plot, the characters, and everything you could think about the movie. In short, one critic actually wrote: Who would have imagined that a movie about sex could be so boring? Now, that’s not good at all. Other critics hold the view that the nature of the relationship between the main couple was an abusive one, rather than a BDSM that the book depicted it to be.

Like I promised at the beginning of this article, I am not going to bore anyone with the details of the plot. But I’d have to make a case against the decision of National Film and Video Censors Board to ban the movie. Last time I checked, Nigeria was a secular nation. It would have been a better idea to put a rating to the movie and probably edit some of the more sexually explicit scenes. And by doing do, they would do the same harm they did to Half of A Yellow Sun. Well, that one na their headache jor…sharp people know how and where to get the unedited version of the movie.

What positives are we meant to take from the movie? Now, this is an interesting one. First and foremost, as a person that have read the novel, if the movie is anything as close to what the novel was, then I’d gladly classify the movie as soft porn. So my advice to all the freaks out there; watch out for women touching themselves at cinemas and also look out for some wet panties on the floor afterwards. No be me talk am alone jor. Such cases have been reported in a couple of cinemas in different parts of the world. OK, that wasn’t a positive, Right? But on a more serious note, it is important to spice up relationships a little bit. I am not asking married couple to be spanking each other with belts and stuff like that. Just a little bit of sexual adventure would go a long way in making the couple bond better and make their sexual lives a happier one.

In a nation filled with hypocrisy and pretentious behavior patterns, Fifty Shades of Grey couldn’t have been released at a better time than this. Capisce!

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