“Most people simply don’t know the extent of the problem. An estimated 25,000 child marriages occur every day. That’s mind-boggling, so much so that to many people, it becomes abstract and unreal” – Gavin Weston

“By getting men to reject the practices that subordinate women and girls and subject them to violence, we can get to the root of child marriage” – Wanjala Wafula


I was reading the early morning articles on different blogs and online newspapers while taking a shit in the loo. Boy, I had me a lot of chicken wings and fufu the day before. It was a neighbor’s thanksgiving party to celebrate her surviving an accident that almost cost her life. Well, I didn’t put my ‘self-control’ cloak on, so I munched and ate and swallowed and drank. Now look what I am facing here in the toilet, trying so hard to get this mound of shit out. Pheewww! So much suffering for eating a lot!

OK, back to the matter! So I was reading the articles and came across a very interesting one: a 65 year old man and his 17 year old bride (or wife-to-be) recounting their love tale and how they met and fell in love. Old guy said he was attending his grandson’s birthday party and there, he saw the most beautiful creature ever made (his words o, not mine). He said he got struck by a thunderbolt (at that age, he shudda fallen face down) and walked up to the girl and then, the whole thing is now history. Fair enough! I am in no position to judge the relationship status of two consenting adults (but the girl no be adult jor).

After I read the article, I cast my mind on similar love stories and the one that came to my mind was the marriage between the ex beauty queen, Dabota Lawson and the billionaire Sunny Aku. Their love story is still the same song and dance – met somewhere, got to talk plus exchange numbers and now, we are head over heels in love with each other. For where? Ogbeni calm down, na money push you go marry the old man jor.

Anyway, back to the matter. The above analogy made me think deeply. And deeply, I thought as I battled to get the remaining dump of shit off my behind. Is love really the basis for such marriages? Or should the cops arrest the old husbands for promoting pedophilia?

A child marriage is a formal marriage or informal union entered into by an individual before reaching the age of 18. Child marriages are common in history and still exist in some places worldwide. Child marriage is not just limited to a particular gender but it has the most overwhelming effect on young girls.

In most cases, the girls are usually from poor families and have no marketable skills thereby leaving the parents no options but to whisk her off to the highest bidder (usually an older male). Most of them have little or no education and when married off, would be forced to stay at home, take care of the husband and rear kids. They are denied the rights to health, education and opportunity to become whom they want to be. Child marriage robs these girls of their childhood; these kids are neither physically nor emotionally ready to become wives and mothers. It is estimated that 15.4 million girls a year, will marry as children. These girls are at a greater risk of experiencing VVF, complications in pregnancy and childbirth, increased mortality rate, poor sexual health, higher risk of abuse, illiteracy and poor education.

The right to free and full consent to a marriage is recognized in Universal Declaration of Human Rights, and the Convention on Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women (CEDAW) prohibits child marriage. It is important for these little children to be given opportunity to enjoy childhood before embarking on this journey called marriage. Also, negative traditional or religious practices should be outlawed and banned out rightly in the nations that still uphold these evil practices.

So I was in Yobe State some months ago, at a local joint, being served bean cakes and fura by a young teenager (she should be almost 16 years old). She was such a beauty to behold, with mounds of flesh on the chest and a pound cake behind. Lord have mercy! These Fulanis dem sabi fine die, I thought to myself. What if I took her as my bride; as a war bounty from my conquest of the North? No, olorun maje o. I quickly wiped the thought off my mind as I saw two elderly men with bows and arrows, staring at me as I was lost in my lustful thoughts. TRAGIC!

And for the younger women that are a little bit older than 18, claiming they fell in love with a rich old man that could pass for her grand dad, I wish you all the best. Na you know whether na LOVE abi na LONG THROAT push you enter the union. As you make your bed, so shall you lie on it. Oshe!

I successfully got the last Mohican out – that last piece of shit. I looked at the watch; it was 8:15am already. Holy Shit! I have been in the toilet for almost 2hrs! Chai, dem go don call me tire for hospital.

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