“If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were” – Khalil Gibran
“You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space” – Johnny Cash
“Don’t dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer” – Denis Waitley
“Every day is a new day, and you’ll never be able to find happiness if you don’t move on” – Carrie Underwood
I spent my compulsory one week quarterly leave at home. During that time, I was depressed. AND. I. KNEW. WHY. For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been waiting patiently for my prospective father in-law to tell me the news from his pastor with respect to my seeking his daughter’s hand in marriage. Yet up till now, there is no word from him yet. So I’ve been plunging in and out of depression. There seems to be no end to this escapade at all.
In all honesty, I’ve had enough. And I’ve already made up my mind on what to do. I would give him just one extra week and if I don’t get any message from him or his pastor or the umunna, I would storm their country home with machetes, cutlasses, catapults, ropes and a big sack, and promptly kidnap their daughter. After all, the kingdom of good men suffers violence, and it is only the violent that shall take what is theirs by force. Na so!
After I concluded my plans, I sank into the couch and pressed 1-1-7 on the remote control device. The movie Pulp Fiction was showing on the channel. Now this was the sixth time I was seeing the movie and I’ve never really come to terms with all the hype surrounding the movie. I mean, for Pete’s sakes, what really made it a cult classic? Yeah, I know the movie is filled with awesome scenes, eclectic dialogue and a wide array of pop culture references. But that’s all it had to offer. The irrelevant violence and nonlinear storyline was a NO-NO for me. But it is what it is! So I took a sip from my cup of monkey tail and then a long drag from the razler housing the green leaves I was holding in between my right thumb and index finger. Damn, this reefer is the bomb! May God bless my weed dealer!
After some minutes, John Travolta and Uma Thurman were still at Jack Rabbit Slim’s, talking trash. I quickly pressed 1-5-2 on the remote control device and a new scene showed up. On the screen, a lovely lady was sobbing quietly as her mother consoled her. The younger woman was telling her mother that she was tired of her marriage. Her husband doesn’t love her like he used to, he doesn’t eat the meals she prepares, he doesn’t even make love to her like he used to…blah blah blah. Her mother quickly rebuked her, telling her to stick with the marriage and all the bullshits she was going through because of what people would say if she leaves.
In all honesty, this scene got me thinking as I took another drag of the reefer I was smoking. Why do people stay in relationships that are simply NO LONGER working? A lot of people don’t understand that this thing called LOVE could actually DIE. I mean, literally stop breathing no matter how much Defibrillation and Cardiopulmonary resuscitation you perform on it. Personally, I believe that staying in a relationship that is heading nowhere is the height of phuckery…the depth of phucktardry!
Oh, the blindness of fresh love! The sightlessness of unsullied romance! The partners involved strive to overlook their flaws. They conceal the blemishes with a cloak of indifference. Overtime, the light at the end of the tunnel grows dim and every effort to rekindle the fading embers of their romance proves abortive. The love they once shared is now frail and withered; its wounds are no longer covered up and the blood of agony flows endlessly. A saint within a sinner! They talk to their parents. They chat with family friends. They hold sessions with the pastor’s wife. The counselor tells them giving up shouldn’t be an option.
Faded and weary, they hold on to the last strand of hair on the bald cranium of their romance. Alopecia has set in and the lovely traits they once saw in each other have all withered like falling leaves in Copenhagen during autumn. They hope to make it out alive. They hope the love would stand the test of time and never fade. Heaven hear us, they scream at night. Into the nothing, they take a leap of faith. Straight into the light! It is a pity…this thing called love doesn’t work that way. They’re simply not in love with each other anymore!
I believe love is one of the most satisfying and fulfilling of human experiences. Any type of love at all: love of family, nation, partner, kids, pet or favorite piece of cloth. It is an experience we share. An adventure we embark on merrily.
Sometimes, no matter how hard partners try, their relationships just don’t work. The bitter truth is that a lot of such relationships should end. The partners have done all they could to make it work but it isn’t just working. And they are weary from trying. There is no reason to linger in the grief of failure, or hope that a genie pops out of a magical lamp and performs a supernatural act for their wavering relationship to thrive once more.
When you let go of someone you love, it doesn’t mean you are giving up. Naa, Naa, Naa! It simply means you are accepting the things that cannot be. It simply means you are moving on from a faltering relationship you’ve labored so hard to fix but to no avail. And the earlier you do that, the happier you would be.
Most times we even try to force things on ourselves against the will of the Almighty. Rather, we should allow the Supreme Being to direct the course our lives take. Life is a balance of holding on and letting go. When we strive to make the right choice and it seems we hit a brick wall every now and then, how do you know it is truly time to let go and walk on? The signs are on the wall like the handwriting Daniel beheld in the days of old. The good that once kept the partnership intact becomes hidden underneath sheets of rusty dissatisfaction and disenchantment. The lovers fail to connect at a deeper lever. Insecurity raises its ugly head in the relationship and makes them afraid of loving each other less.
If the intentions of the partners are right, they should feel no ill or resentment towards each other but rather recognize the symptoms that tell them that they need to let go. There is high probability of losing the opportunity to cherish lessons learnt in such relationships if the partners stay too long in the hope that things would get better. Every seemingly wonderful relationship mustn’t end in bliss.
Learning to let go and make peace with things you cannot change is a tough thing to do. But it is essential. Accept that the relationship has come to an end. This acceptance is a form of closure. You should endeavor to find solace in the things you cherish. Fall in love with your life again and don’t you EVER regret what you did in the past. Rather, reflect on what didn’t work in the relationship and make yourself better.
The hardest part of letting go is saying Goodbye…sealed with a kiss – Megadeth
My dear lovely readers please let a brother know your thoughts. Should the partners stick together in the hope that things would get better? Or should they let go and move on? SEALED. WITH. A. KISS.
Now Playing: We’re Not Making Love No More by Dru Hill
Word to Mutha: This work is STRICTLY the opinion of the writer. No Love Lost; No Love Found…It is what it is!